Today’s my birthday! So I can say anything I want--right? I mean, like to world leaders or whomever? For instance, the little way-out-of-shape fem over there in Korea. "JUST KEEP IT UP!” You think we're overextended in other parts of the world? I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket but if hardware is what turns you on you should drive by Luke Air Force Base some Sunday…The only reason we're not in your face right now is because we're planning a big tribute to Howlin’ Wolf and Muddy Waters and relative to that you’re way down the on the list of things America has to do. We may job it out to China in trade for letting them expand their "fortune cookie contract”. But--JUST KEEP IT UP. We'll get around to it. Where was I? Oh, yes, my birthday....

I was born in Louisville on the 71st running of the Kentucky Derby in 1945. A horse named Hoop Jr. won that race and he paid $9.40. The thing I have in common with that horse is no one’s ever heard of that horse. That's ok though ‘cause you’re not supposed to know too much about shooting pool or horses because it means you've been hanging out in poolrooms or racetracks.

What else happened in 1945? This should be of particular interest to the little tyrant I was talking about earlier. Adolf Hitler and his wife of one day, Eva Braun, killed themselves because the tension was too much. Joseph Goebbels and his wife killed themselves after murdering their six children because the tension was killing them, too, and Benito Mussolini and his girlfriend were executed and hung upside down by their feet in the public square in Milan.

The death camps were liberated and the Nuremberg Trials began and we bombed Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Things were so wild in 1945 that princess Elizabeth, who is now the Queen of England, joined the British army and began driving a truck.

All these things you can read about in our air-conditioned store. Bring your friends. You can organize a little think tank and come up with an alternative to war's disciplinary function or you can just use our water fountain and read Better Homes and Gardens.

Anyway, thanks for all your cards and birthday letters.

Remember to exercise your freedom of speech at least once a day. Once, when my best friend was being led from his cell to the courtroom all his fans yelled "Make 'em kill you, Johnny Boy, you don't have to put up with any cheap shots to your character." Who was it that said, “Oh, Sir! the good die first, And they whose hearts are as dry as summer dust Burn to the socket.”

“Don't talk politics, William, we've already gone over that!" Yes sir, so white you are. I mean so right you are. I had planned to speak about the history of the Huntington Library in the early years. Oh, but before I forget, let me just say this. Because this little tag at the end is what I actually get paid for. Remember, Bob, from Bookmans, says, “HEINEKIN WORKS DIRECTLY ON A PART OF THE BRAIN THAT OTHER BEERS ARE UNABLE TO REACH."