Warning: This article contains cussing and book nerds having fun.

An unusual thing happens at our trade counter when a Christopher Moore book deal comes in. An electric current travels through the store, almost like a book pheromone detectible only to the book nerds. Slowly, staff members converge on the front counter, trying to act casual. “Hey, I was just seeing if you needed a break…oh a Christopher Moore deal.” Then several people claim that they have “dibs”. When the deal clears, the “dibs” storm breaks in earnest. Everything is used and seniority has no precedence. “I saw it first!” “Yeah, but I gave my last copy to a customer…” “No way! I gave up the last three. This one is mine!” “I called dibs!” “This one is my favorite and I don’t have a copy in hardback.” On it rumbles until slowly people acquiesce to sob stories with the caveat that THEY have “dibs” on the next one and the storm breaks up. Needless to say, when a Christopher Moore book tour is announced the day gets requested off pretty quickly.

Last weekend, Christopher Moore was in Phoenix. So a whole crew of us rented a car and took a book nerd road trip to see Christopher Moore and get books signed. We drove around Phoenix, got lost, saw some L.A.R.P.ers, found our route, discovered it was under construction and then found Changing Hands. Bookstores are awesome. I have to admit that I over-indulged on some books I was looking for (after checking Bookmans in Mesa) and also paid full price for Moore’s new book, "Bite Me (A Love Story)." We had an hour or two to kill before we could line up to hear him speak so we went next door to eat.

"Bite Me (A Love Story)" is the third (and possibly final) installment of Moore’s vampire series. While Moore is known for taking characters from his earlier books and giving them cameos in the current one, this is his only series. In the first book (which is Moore’s second), "Blood Sucking Fiends (A Love Story)" we are introduced to Jody and Tommy. Jody goes on a bad date and ends up a vampire. With little guidance and training she stumbles through the streets of San Francisco trying to get a handle on her situation. She seduces Tommy and eventually turns him as well. Of course, while they are falling in love and enjoying the sexual benefits of being creatures of unspeakable evil, they are also trying to protect the city from the prime vampire who turned Jody. They meet many awesome and memorable characters along the way and they all show up in the subsequent books. In "You Suck (A Love Story)", Jody and Tommy continue their adventures with the help of Abby Normal, an obnoxious goth teenager who jumps at the chance to serve the undead. Moore uses Abby’s voice and does it so well I felt like I had regressed to my teen years and was unable to avoid adding “like” back into my vocabulary in a very irritating way. Unlike many vampire stories, Moore’s saga has vampires that are trying to maintain their humanity while enjoying the benefits of their new found powers. They are smart and they take advantage of the modern world, using donated blood bank blood to sustain them, no weird “camping” trips into the wild or sparkling. In "Bite Me" we join Abby in her quest to become a dark queen of the black and inky night, even though Jody and Tommy refuse to turn anyone else.

Christopher Moore has a wicked sense of humor. He pokes fun at many things and groups of people (who rightly deserve it) that could be upsetting if you are a humorless git. Moore is also known for never actually reading at his readings. Instead it’s like two hours of a tour through the strange and wondrous cavern that is Christopher Moore’s brain. He answers questions about everything; his books, his characters, his life, other authors and their books. He also gives commentary on the quirks of the places he is visiting. Like Arizona not celebrating MLK day nor recognizing Daylight Savings time, suggesting that we don’t like people “messing with our dark.” He then pondered if, in the vein of the Tea Party Movement, Arizona would start “The Darkys.” Who would then spout slogans like, “Don’t Mess with Our Dark!” and, “Get Your Hands Off The Dark!” He mocked himself as well, saying that some day, when he’s REALLY famous; he’ll be able to have a basement filled with underpaid children who would write his books for him “like James Patterson does.”

He also discussed the rapidly changing English language thanks to the internet, twitter and texting. One of my favorite things in Moore’s writing is his way with cuss words and insults. Including, my ultimate favorite, “Fuck Stockings” which he used in his book "Fool", a retelling of Shakespeare’s King Lear. I asked him about it. He talked about how Shakespeare added (made up) 1800 words to the lexicon and how he, Christopher Moore, added “Fuck Stockings”. (Shakespeare: 1800; Christopher Moore: 1) “Fuck Stockings” is the historically accurate root of “Fuck Socks”, according to Moore. At a previous signing on this tour he met a guy who asked if he could make “Fuck Socks” and “Fuck Stockings” to sell on the Moore website. Of course, Moore said yes.

All in all, Christopher Moore is just as hilarious in person as his books. The last time I saw him speak at Changing Hands, it was crowded, but not too crowded. This was three years ago at the release of "You Suck". At that time only about 20 or so people had to stand. This time around they had expanded the seating area to another side section but there were still about 100 people standing. Even though we had to stand the entire time, it was well worth it. Though I think that Mr. Moore’s popularity is outgrowing the “intimate” settings we all enjoy.

I have to give a shout out to Changing Hands and a HUGE thank you to them for hosting and paying for Mr. Moore. I’ve seen him there twice now, and even though they are technically “the competition” they are also an independent bookstore. They love books, and that makes us friends. A big thank you.