BY: HEATHER CEE

If you're still clapping your hands over your ears and lalala-ing when it comes to this JJ Abrams-produced monster vehicle, move along. If you're wondering what the fuss is about, here's five "hard spoiler"-free reasons why it's kind of awesome.

If you're planning to catch "Cloverfield" in the theater, here's a few pointers: don't sit too close to the screen (seriously, people are puking all across America), and don't go in with inflated expectations. While I was aware of the viral marketing campaign still raging its way across the internet, I only had a vague idea of what was in store and managed to be pleasantly surprised by the final product - a simple survival story encased in a monster movie candy shell. It's quick, it's brutal, and it's a fun cinematic ride if you're into wanton destruction and mayhem.

Is it a horror movie? Is it sci-fi? Is it truly the American version of "Godzilla"? A monster movie take on "The Blair Witch Project"? Yes - and no. One thing that's certain is that it's not groundbreaking cinema, but it never pretends to be, and here's five reasons why it works so well:

1. It's smart.
And by smart I mean the film-making, not the characters, who all do profoundly stupid things at one point or another. This is a monster movie, and monster movie logic dictates that plot hinges on the cast doing the exact opposite of what anyone in their right frame of mind would do in the same situation. Making peace with genre tropes is the key to enjoying "Cloverfield." Don't be like Richard Corliss of Time magazine and get your jockies in a knot because you've hauled your own overly cerebral baggage and perceived social parallels into a film about a giant monster tearing and munching its way through New York City. It won't make you seem smart, it will just make you look like a jackass.

The reason "Cloverfield" is smart is because it sets its own limits from the get-go with its POV and strictly adheres to those boundaries until the very end. Director Matt Reeves never overplays his hand and the result is a taut film that sustains a mood, ends at precisely the right time, and doesn't lay its fortunes at the feet of the Big Bad.

2. Its POV.
Love or hate "The Blair Witch Project", shaky-cam POV sets a definite tone if you want the audience to experience the stress of your characters, and cameraman Hud makes for a far less annoying "narrator" than the shrill Heather Donahue. (Remember how you couldn't wait for her to die?) The biggest difference between "Cloverfield" and "Project" is that the latter film's voyeuristic quality is largely absent. "Cloverfield" accomplishes an immediacy that was never quite there in the constant black and white shots of largely empty woods; this is a claustrophobic, dust-in-your-eyes, "get it off me, get if off me!" POV. You spend a lot of time wondering what on earth you just caught a glimpse of, and an equal amount of time pleased that you've managed to hang on to the camera for this long. (Your lunch is another story.)

3. It's influenced by classic monster movies, but it's not an overwrought homage.
A lesser screenwriter would have loaded this script with in-jokes and smarmy winks and nudges to the classics, and while "Cloverfield" has a definite streak of black humor, it's never anything less than serious. You are there in the Poop with these characters; they're terrified, they're tired, and they have absolutely zero context for the hell breaking loose around them. And I can't stress enough how refreshing it is to have the military portrayed as competent and conspiracy-free in this context. No gung-ho army commanders with a testosterone-fueled axe to grind, no loony scientists with illusions of world-dominating grandeur, just a small group of people on the ground who want to save their friend and get out of Dodge. 

4. There are no answers.
"Cloverfield" doesn't assume the audience is stupid, which is a refreshing change of pace from most films of this ilk. You never know more than what the characters know, and that's pretty much nil beyond their own first-hand observations. And who needs the "what, how, why?" when you're running for your life?

5. Coolest. Theme. Ever.
Those who hang through the end credits will be treated to Michael Giacchino's "ROAR! (Cloverfield Overture)", a bombastic musical tribute to monster movie themes of yore. Considering the film itself features no score and adheres to a modern aesthetic, this theme brought a huge smile to my face because it's total old school adventure drama, with opera singers and percussive crashes galore. Hang 'til the very-very end and you just might hear an Easter egg. (Shhh!)

Is "Cloverfield" an absolute must-see? Depends on what you want from it. If you're looking for an enjoyably tense hour and a half, you could do much worse. If you go in thinking your mind is going to be totally blown, you're setting yourself up for big-time disappointment. But all in all, it's worthy new entry into the monster movie genre, provided you see it before its secrets are all out in the open.